Least Said Read online

  It was quite like old times, with Tina and I sharing a kitchen as we worked side by side companionably, and Jon was as delighted as I was when he came home to find visitors who would always be assured of a welcome in our house.

  ‘Stay the night,’ he urged. ‘Go on, say you will. It will give us time for a proper catch-up.’

  Tina had barely accepted the invitation before Jon was making his way eagerly out the back door to join the football game being played with more enthusiasm than skill in the garden.

  They were all three filthy dirty when they were called inside to eat.

  ‘Well,’ I said, staring at the three of them, ‘I was going to tell you to wash your hands, but that would leave the rest of you covered in mud.’

  ‘Look at you,’ Tina pointed, trying to look dismayed at suit trousers worn by the two men that were clearly ruined, spattered as they were with thick mud and even sporting a rip or two, and William’s school trousers appeared to be in much the same state.

  They stood before us, two fully grown men and a small boy, all wearing a similar guilty expression on their faces.

  I gave in first – I couldn’t help it. Looking at the state of them I just burst out laughing and pointed out, ‘It is nearly the end of term, and Will does have another pair.’ I grinned as I added, ‘I’m assuming the same can be said for you two, because if those are the only suit trousers you have, you’re going to be in an awful lot of trouble.’

  Then we all started laughing and couldn’t stop. Will threw himself at me, mud and all, joyous because I obviously wasn’t furious at the state of him. He found it even funnier when they were all instructed to sit at the table right away in their boxer shorts and eat dinner before it was all ruined.

  ‘That was funny, wasn’t it, Auntie Tina?’ Will chortled, after he had been bathed, tucked up in bed and treated to a bedtime story read by his favourite auntie while I busied myself taking folded clothes from his chest of drawers, ready for school in the morning.

  ‘It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,’ she agreed.

  ‘I love the ball,’ he told her. ‘Thank you very much for thinking of me.’

  ‘You’re very welcome,’ she told him, still smiling. ‘We’ve heard how well you’ve been playing football at school and thought you deserved it. Uncle Calum knows lots of footballers and that’s how he managed to get you that special ball.’

  I smiled as well, remembering that Calum didn’t only handle novels but autobiographies too, often by famous footballers.

  ‘Do you think if I was a very good boy,’ Will began with a winning look in Tina’s direction, ‘that Uncle Calum could get me a rugby ball signed by the Leicester Tigers? We’ve just started learning rugby at school and I’m even better at rugby than I am at football.’

  I threw a startled glance in Tina’s direction and found her staring right back at me. Suddenly neither one of us was smiling.

  Chapter Four

  ‘Most boys like rugby as well as football. It doesn’t mean a thing, Wendy,’ Tina whispered, after we had both kissed Will goodnight and closed his bedroom door behind us.

  ‘Of course it does,’ I hissed, with a quick glance over the banister to check that neither of the men was standing within earshot. ‘Rugby is obviously in his genes – and we both know why.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ she murmured, ‘lots of kids turn out to be sporty – despite coming from non-sporting parents.’

  ‘Oh come on, you don’t believe that any more than I do,’ I insisted, still keeping my tone low.

  ‘What are you two whispering about?’

  Calum’s voice, coming so suddenly from close behind us, saw us both leap what felt like a couple of feet in the air. We spun round to face him, both of us the very picture of guilt. I’d forgotten he’d come up to take a shower earlier and clearly Tina had forgotten, too. We stood like a pair of startled cats caught in the headlights of a car.

  ‘Urm,’ Tina began and then stopped, because clearly she had no idea what to say.

  ‘Shopping...,’ I began.

  ‘Yes, shopping,’ she echoed and looked at me helplessly.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ I added.

  Calum shook his head, ‘Come on then, tell me what’s so important it won’t wait?’

  ‘Trousers,’ I managed.

  ‘Yes,’ Tina threw me a grateful glance, ‘you need some new trousers quickly, Calum, because Jon’s clearly won’t do. He’s shorter than you and you’ll look ridiculous. We’ll pop out in the morning and pick you up a pair that will do until we get home.’

  ‘I’ll only be in the car driving home,’ Calum pointed out mildly, ‘so it hardly matters if my trousers will be flying at half mast, does it?’

  ‘I thought you said you were seeing a new client,’ Tina prompted, ‘tomorrow. Some friend of Bette’s wasn’t it?’ I could tell she’d only just recalled the fact herself but was thankful that she had.

  ‘Damn and blast it,’ he swore, ‘you’re right – but I’m seeing her at ten in the morning.’

  ‘We can be at the shops by nine and back here by nine-thirty,’ I insisted, ‘can’t we, Tina?’

  ‘Oh, absolutely,’ she agreed airily.

  Luckily, Calum trying on a pair of Jon’s trousers proved how right we were, because he did look totally ridiculous with the hems hanging well above his shoes. He presented such a picture that we were all absolutely helpless with laughter, including Calum.

  Tina did try her damndest to stop me from making assumptions later in the evening, when we escaped to the kitchen to make tea and closed the door firmly behind us.

  ‘Stop making a drama out of what is hardly a crisis,’ she advised, with a shake of her head, ‘because by next week it will be tennis Will is interested in. He’s six years old for God’s sake, and will change his mind a million times before he even reaches his teens.’

  ‘I wish you were living back in Brankstone,’ I told her, with a grimace, ‘because if he starts imagining he’s going to be another Jonny Wilkinson I’m going to need you to hold my hand daily and reassure me.’

  ‘It means nothing, Wendy,’ Tina said firmly.

  ‘Easy for you to say, because it’s clear to see who Leanne’s father is, she’s the absolute spit of Calum.’

  ‘And Will is the spit of Jon. Don’t you see the way every action of his mirrors one of Jon’s?’

  ‘I do,’ I agreed, ‘but those things are learned, it doesn’t account for the fact that his eye colour, hair colour and height are all wrong. Physically he has very little in common with Jon, you can’t deny that. I know you’re going to say that lots of kids don’t take after one or the other of their parents and, if there was no doubt of his parentage, I promise you I really wouldn’t be troubled at all. As it is, every single thing seems to point to Will having been conceived from my night with the bloody Adonis who - I don’t have to remind you - suddenly seems to be popping up everywhere I look.’

  ‘Ok, ok,’ I continued, interpreting Tina’s look correctly and spreading my hands out in front of me in surrender, ‘I know you’re right in everything you say, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying and wondering what the hell is going to happen if it all comes out.’

  ‘It won’t,’ she said with a certainty that I envied, ‘unless you keep right on making a mountain out of every molehill the way you are. Calm down, or Jon is going to pick up on the tension you’re currently radiating.’

  I allowed my shoulders to slump and finally admitted, ‘You’re right. You always are, Tina, but I need to be reminded of that constantly at the moment – I really do.’

  ‘Would a daily text help?’ she smiled.

  Taken aback, I stared at Tina, trying to gauge whether or not she was being serious.

  ‘Would it?’ she repeated, with a gentle smile that told me she was deadly serious and that she also completely understood what such an offer would mean to me.

  ‘The next best thing to having you next door to deliver a daily reminder in person - than
k you so much, Tina.’

  ‘That’s sorted then,’ she said briskly, ‘now, what about taking this tea through to the men before it stews in the pot.’

  The two men were laughing together when we took the tray through. I thought – as I often did - how nice it was that the two of them had become such good friends since Calum had become a permanent fixture in Tina’s life.

  I had made their wedding cake when I was far less experienced than I was now, and was so proud to be Tina’s maid of honour despite the fact I was several months pregnant with William by then. Jon had been best man, since Calum lacked a brother and most of his friends were the lady authors he represented through his literary agency.

  ‘China or Ceylon?’ Jon looked up at me grinning and, seeing my puzzled expression, clarified. ‘The tea, love. We were just stabbing a guess at how far across the globe you had to journey to bring it back.’

  ‘Or even if you’d had to go and pick the leaves yourself,’ Calum joined in cheekily.

  ‘Any more of the sarcasm from either of you,’ Tina said as she followed me into the room carrying a plate, ‘and these lovely homemade biscuits will go back in the tin.’

  I set the tray on a low table before settling myself next to Jon on one couch. Tina joined Calum on the other.

  ‘Missed you,’ Jon said, putting his arm round me and pulling me close. ‘What you two find to talk about when you get together beats me because I’m sure you chat on the phone all the time as well.’

  ‘Blame me for separating them by the length of the motorway,’ Calum invited. ‘They used to spend all day together working, remember, and they never ran out of things to say then.’

  ‘And we wouldn’t have them any other way,’ Jon’s smile was so loving that I felt a lump form in my throat and I reached up to pull his head down to mine to plant a kiss on his lips.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘what have I done to deserve that?’

  I managed to laugh lightly and say, ‘Oh, lots of things.’

  The loving mood lasted all the way up to bed and I was ready for Jon when he gathered me into his arms. He was so dear, so familiar, and I loved him so much, welcoming his loving attention, his kisses and caresses heating the blood in my veins until I grew impatient, and sliding on top of him I took control.

  ‘Wow,’ he murmured, still out of breath after our lovemaking had reached a very mutually satisfactory conclusion.

  ‘Wow, indeed,’ I echoed, smiling like a cat that had found and devoured all the cream.

  Jon pulled me close again and whispered, ‘If that hasn’t been enough to make Will a little brother or sister, I’ll eat my motorcycle helmet.’

  I froze in his arms. It was all I could do not to wrench myself out of his embrace, out of the bed and out of the room – demanding as I went, at the top of my voice, whether that was all he could think about and why couldn’t he be satisfied with the child we already had? I had to quite forcibly remind myself that, in truth, Jon rarely mentioned the possibility of another child and when he did it was never in an accusatory way. Instead, I forced myself to giggle as if the idea wasn’t only possible but amusing, too.

  Jon fell asleep almost immediately and I lay wide-eyed beside him, staring at the darkened ceiling and prayed that the idea of another pregnancy wasn’t the impossibility that I knew in my heart it was.

  With a real effort I had managed to bury the sickening memory of what I had done all those years ago, and simply got on with enjoying family life. However, it was at times like this that thoughts of that long ago night came back to haunt me. I didn’t need to remind myself that I had behaved like a cheap slut and that far from worrying about the consequences of having a night of unprotected sex with a complete stranger – I had welcomed the thought that there was a very real possibility that the child I longed for would be the result. Shamefully, I gave no thought to the fact than a STD was also a real possibility.

  Had Jon actually been having the affair I suspected him of, while also trying to place the blame on me for the fact that we were childless, my conscience would probably have remained clear – and that was despite the fact I was possibly carrying another man’s baby. However, my husband’s affair had never happened, and Jon confessing that his terror that I would leave him if it was proved that he was infertile had pushed him to try and shift the blame onto me meant I had long since forgiven him.

  My face and body burned as I thought back to the way I had thrown myself at the tall, blond rugby player. His hands had been all over me as we danced to the wedding disco and we both were very well aware that we’d be dancing into bed with one another before the night was over.

  For god’s sake, we were practically doing it in the lift, and probably would have been if his room had been a couple of floors higher. Contraception was never part of the plan as far as I was concerned, and was never referred to by my partner in crime. His hands were up my dress, his lips on my exposed nipple before the door to the room finally opened and we fell inside. We were on the bed and he was inside me while we were still fully clothed and all the time, as I enjoyed his very experienced attentions I was laughing inside at how I was getting my own back on Jon.

  Only I hadn’t been, had I? There had been no affair except in my imagination and, all this time later, the thought of my duplicity still brought tears to my eyes and the ever present guilt ate steadily away at my heart; and that was despite the fact I had always justified my actions by reminding myself that without that one night we might not have had Will, surely proving that the means justify the end?

  I woke heavy eyed and heavy headed, and with a heart heavy with remorse when I felt Jon get out of bed.

  ‘Another bad night?’ he queried, concern evident in his blue eyes and on his lips.

  I shrugged and murmured, ‘Just a bad dream.’

  ‘Well, you can’t blame the cheese this time, because you didn’t eat any last night.’

  ‘Everyone has the odd nightmare,’ I pointed out, trying not to sound as touchy as I felt, and willing him to stop fussing.

  ‘Pity you have to get up early for the shopping trip,’ Jon called through from the en-suite, ‘but perhaps Tina could go without you.’

  ‘I don’t want her to,’ I scowled in the direction of the bathroom, ‘I see little enough of her as it is.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said, ‘but it’s definitely early to bed for you tonight, my sweet, and no arguments,’ and with that I heard the sound of running water and the shower door closing behind him.

  Make-up hid the ravages of a disturbed night and I was determinedly up-beat and cheerful as Tina and I dropped William off at school and drove into Poole town centre. It was quite like old times as we headed along the familiar route from the multi-story car park and into the Dolphin Centre.

  The difference was, of course, that this wasn’t a leisurely shopping trip such as we’d enjoyed many times in the past. Time was of the essence today because we both knew that Calum didn’t like to keep clients – even potential ones – waiting, so it was straight into the nearest department store to purchase the first pair of suitable trousers that we came across.

  We actually had to make a determined effort to avert our eyes from the enticing rails of clothes in the women’s department, especially when the ‘Sale’ signs were so abundant.

  ‘Some other time,’ I insisted when I saw Tina’s eyes stray towards some brightly coloured tops. ‘Anyway, you live in London now with far more choice of shops and clothes.’

  ‘You’d think so, wouldn’t you?’ she pulled a rueful face. ‘But more isn’t always better in my book.’

  Calum had the door open before we were halfway up the path, and then tried to pretend he wasn’t looking out for us. He made a good job of not snatching the department store bag out of Tina’s hands, and we did our best to ignore the fact he was still wearing Jon’s trousers and posing a ridiculous picture with his ankles on display.

  ‘What are you two going to get up to while I’m gone?’ he queried, a
dding with a gleam in his eye, ‘More shopping?’

  ‘I’m tempted,’ Tina admitted, ‘but I really must go and see Bette. Yes,’ she forestalled the interruption that hovered on Calum’s lips, ‘I know you saw her yesterday, but that’s not the same as me visiting, is it?’

  ‘No,’ he agreed, ‘and she did mention yesterday that she hadn’t seen you in a while – just in passing, you know. Why don’t you both go, and then I’ll treat you to lunch – any restaurant of your choice?’

  ‘An offer we can’t refuse,’ I smirked, ‘but won’t Bette prefer to see you on your own?’

  ‘She’ll be offended if you don’t go,’ Tina said firmly. ‘She’s always so glad of your visits because the business means I don’t get down to see her as often as I – and she – would like. She absolutely adores William.’

  That was proved by Bette’s first words as she opened the front door to us. ‘Where is he then?’ she demanded, peering round us both, her eyes scanning the pathway behind us.

  ‘Who – Calum?’ Tina asked innocently.

  ‘No,’ Bette replied impatiently, dismissing her agent by reminding them, ‘I saw him yesterday. Where’s my little William?’

  ‘He’s at school, Bette,’ I reminded her, and watched the corners of her mouth turn down.

  ‘You’ll have to make do with us today,’ Tina said, ‘poor substitute though we might be.’

  ‘Oh, it’s nice to see you as well,’ Bette said over her shoulder, as she made her way to the kitchen but, from the clear disappointment in her voice, we were left in no doubt that we were second best.

  Bette had barely changed, I thought. Despite the fact she was close to her eightieth birthday it was clear she had no intention of giving in to growing old gracefully. Bette’s clothes were as flamboyant as ever, and multi-coloured patterns in a myriad of eye-watering colours jazzed up a silk top that flowed down over ample hips that were covered more soberly in a pair of black trousers. Her hair was the brightest blonde that her hairdresser’s palette could come up with and a pair of gaudy earrings swung from her ear lobes.